A Romanian Wedding

Last Saturday I had the privilege of attending the wedding of Iulia and Madalin.  The ceremony took place at a Catholic church in Câmpina that seemed to have many of the components of a Catholic wedding in the United States.  Both the ceremony and reception were small and informal, but had many traditional components.

The Newlyweds!

 Unlike American wedding receptions (where you usually eat then dance), Romanian receptions feature an array of entrees served for the duration of the celebration.  In a sense you eat your way through the night.  This was the approximate schedule: 6:00pm- snack foods; 7:30pm- appetizer; 9:00pm- course 1; 12:00am- course 2; 1:00am- dessert.  You can see the fare below (pardon the quality of the last two pictures).  I felt guilty only eating about 1/2 of all the food served, but it just kept on coming.  And to think they opted not to have one of the entrees!  In traditional Romania fashion, meat (fresh and not processed!) composed the majority of each dish (I was told jokingly they are still making up for the 5 years during the communist reign when meat was almost inaccessible).  Overall a delicious eating experience.

Appetizer- Cheeses, Vegetables, Salami, Ham, and Meatballs

 

Course 1- Cabbage, Polenta, Rice and Beef Rolls


In between the courses of food we danced and enjoyed each others' company, much like any American wedding.  I learned a couple Romanian dances thanks to the welcoming nature of the attendees.  And not even a Romanian wedding is complete without dancing to the "bunny hop" (although called something different).

 

Course 2- Potatoes, Pork chop, Sausage link




 

Dessert- Cake, Brownie, Wafer cookies

Representatives from five different nations attended the wedding and reception: Hungary, France, Germany, United States, and, of course, Romania.  As usual the common language spoken between everyone was English-- an obviously refreshing advantage for me.  Even still I spent a lot of time sitting and listening, just trying to figure out what people were talking about.  My Romanian proved very rusty after speaking primarily Italian the last 6 weeks.  Luckily dancing requires no words!

By the time Iulia finally threw her bouquet of flowers (around 2:30am) only two unmarried females remained; unfortunately I did not catch it.  I'll leave that matter in the hands of God.  Nevertheless I couldn't have asked for a better (cultural) experience and was grateful for the opportunity to attend such a wonderful occasion.  A much-needed social and psychological boost for sure!

Quotes of the Week

Thought I would share some of the great things the children said this week:

"How many ice creams did you have to eat to get all of those?"  (referring to all the popcicle sticks we used to make picture frames)

"Why don't you know everything in Italian?"  (which prompted me to write the poem from earlier this week)

"What does this say?"..."It says, 'You are a child of God'."..."Me!?"  (a six-year old asking about a sign I made and posted in the therapy room)

"First we need to clean up."..."With what? A broom?"  (a child's response after finishing our game of Trouble)

As a side note, it was exciting to meet a couple from Italy who had read my blog before coming this past week.  Plus they spoke English, which is always a nice surprise.  It's also encouraging to see couples from Italy again and hear them comment on the progression of my Italian.  I will miss having people come in and out these next couple of weeks-- makes for lonely mealtimes.

Still Chugging Along

Early this week Iulia and I spent most of our days in the anger management sessions with selected children.  Some of them came with examples of when they used the things we had previously taught, which is encouraging even if they only employed them a couple times.  I have also observed a few of them using (or trying to use) what they learned.  This week we provided them with more strategies to regulate their anger/frustration, such as squeezing their hands/feet together, putting something in their mouth, stomping the ground (instead of someone else!), and closing their eyes or turning the other direction.  After practicing them each one identified their favorite; many liked the first three options.  Next we played a game with colored candies that required them to give the number of responses as they had candies of that color (i.e. 3 red candies= 3 responses).  The prompts asked what they could do when they get angry/frustrated, what they can say when they don't like what someone did, and what nice things they can say to someone else.  For each correct response they won that piece of candy.  With two weeks until our next session we told them to practice everything they have learned, rely on each other, and report back what strategies they practiced.  I'll be on the lookout as well and providing guidance to make the better decision when needed.

With the help of the caregivers I was still able to conduct a few group activities with the children this week.  One day the older children made picture frames out of popcicle sticks.  First they had to choose four different children and write a nice adjective that describes him/her.  Then they exchanged the popcicle sticks, which served as the border of the picture frame.  Next came the task of decorating; which, of course included taking turns, sharing, and asking politely to use various materials.  Throughout the week I have been taking pictures of them playing nicely with each other and will develop the pictures to put in the frames.

The following day the younger children made butterflies which will be given to the older adults they visit with one of the sisters.  Using a popcicle stick as the body the children wrote a nice message (primarily "have a good day").  Next they traced their hands and cut them out for the wings (yay fine motor skill development!).  Finally they decorated the wings with stickers, markers, colored shapes, and string.  Many of them need encouragement to slow down and take their time; several need one-on-one attention for honing their cutting skills (which I've been trying to do a bit in my play time with them).  As with the older children I was definitely pleased with the way they shared, waited their turn, and used their manners when asking for materials. 

Because the majority of the children have spent several session with me one-on-one I have started to ask the children if they want to play together with someone.  Many, but not all, opt for this choice.  It's a great way for them to employ the skills they have learned individually and facilitate their interaction with one another.  Plus they enjoy teach each other the games they have learned and exploring new activities together.  The most difficult task is having them work together on projects (e.g. building a house, making an object with Play-doh) rather than doing these things in parallel.  With three weeks to go I think some positive changes in this area can still be made.

At the meeting this week with the caregivers I attempted to tackle the difficult subject of sensory regulation.  Before starting I composed a mini-Sensory Profile survey for them to take (on themselves).  This allowed them to get an idea of what the topic entailed, and get them thinking about various children who might respond strongly to the items.  Then we talked about each sense, I introduced the proprioceptive and vestibular senses, and we discussed the consequences of too much or too little stimulation.  Next week we'll delve into strategies to address sensory integration issues, specifically those concerning a few of the children here (although most of the behavioral issues are truly behavior related and not sensory related).  It's a tough topic to grasp, but they seemed engaged in learning something they never heard about before.

All in all a successful week sprinkled with positive changes during my daily observations (mostly from the children).  After two fairly frustrating weeks it was refreshing to have one that was more upbeat.  As more and more children begin returning from Italy I'm eager to see how they will integrate back into Casa Sperantei, and how both groups will teach each other the positive behaviors they gained this summer. 

Translation

De ce nu
mi capisci quando
I talk
cu tine?
Noi potremmo parlare
o limbă
that we all
capite.  La lingua
de iubirii.

Duck...Duck...Goose!

Here's a glimpse into one of our group sessions where the children are playing 'Duck, Duck, Goose' for the second time.  They love this game and played for nearly 20 minutes!  (The first time definitely wasn't as successful, and unfortunately not all of our groups are this well behaved.)  This simple game is such a great tool for teaching numerous skills such as waiting a turn, playing by the rules, being gentle, and listening.  Hopefully this will brighten your day!

Same Ol' Ups and Downs

My apologies for not posting last week.  The internet was down all weekend and I got behind on many things, this blog included. 

The past two weeks have been a roller coaster ride of progress and frustration-- no surprises there.  With only four weeks left here I'm beginning to realize how many things on my "to-do" list have not been accomplished and how many other things are only starting to take shape.  And to add to that imminence Iulia will be out for the next two weeks due to her upcoming wedding.  While I cannot blame her for taking this time off it definitely puts a damper on implementing several activities with the children and impedes with our consistency.  Luckily we will still meet with the pairs doing the anger management sessions on Monday and Tuesday and we'll have the caregiver meeting on Tuesday.

For the children's activities the past weeks we did the following:
1.) "Sleeping Bear"-- One child sits on a chair blindfolded with a whistle underneath.  The other children take turns trying to creep up on the 'bear' to steal the whisle and blow it three times.  If the child is caught by the bear another child takes a turn.  If the child is successful he/she becomes the new bear.  It's a great game for listening, taking turns, and patience.  After awhile I had two children go at the same time to elicit teamwork skills.  The kids LOVED this simple game and continually ask to play it again.  Success!
2.) Chalk Buddies-- One child lays on the ground while the other child traces him/her with sidewalk chalk.  They switch places so their 'chalk buddies' are next to each other.  Then they write something nice in a word bubble to the other person, and/or have the buddies sharing a toy, etc.  Finally a face and clothes can be added.  This activity forced them to work cooperatively together, use nice words to each other, and think about the principles of sharing (not to mention they had to share the sidewalk chalk).  All the children giggled when they were being traced and very much enjoy using chalk.
3.) Kids as Leaders-- We selected two children who went to a camp in Italy to teach a game/song/craft to the other children.  Towards the end of the session we switched and gave the children who stayed here a chance to teach a game/song they learned.  Needless to say some groups were facilitated much better than others.  It was encouraging to see some positive leadership skills from both the children who stayed here and those who went to Italy.  When reflecting on this experience, the children were able to see how frustrating some of their behaviors can be.  It also showed me how far we still have to go.

Iulia and I continue to make progress in meeting with pairs of children for anger management.  Aside from simply bringing attention to their feelings and reactions we have seen some minor positive changes in their responses to frustrating situations (i.e. not hitting/kicking/swearing/yelling).  [Unfortunately this is even more difficult when the child can hear a sister in the next room yelling at children who are doing homework.]  We've used social stories and puppets to retell a situation where the child became angry or frustrated and had a negative response.  Then they must retell the story with an alternative positive response (e.g. playing together, walking away, ignoring, telling an adult).  Now we need to be present in their daily play to facilitate the transfer of this concept to real life (as well as teach the caregivers how to do this).  Another activity we've done is teach them emotional regulation strategies such as taking 5 deep breaths, squeezing fingers and toes, putting something in the mouth, closing eyes/turning away, and thinking of something funny.  The first three seem to be the preferred methods for the children-- we'll see if they actually implement them! 

The past two meetings for the caregivers/sisters only the caregivers have attended.  Last Friday I talked about common psychological issues that tend to arise in orphanages: ADHD, depression, and anxiety.  In the beginning I had them do an activity that simulated what it might be like for children who have ADHD.  Some of these concepts have been taught previously because of Iulia's background as a psychologist, but it's always good to reinforce them.  Afterwards I gave them strategies to use with children who struggle with symptoms of ADHD, especially during homework time.  These include setting clear expectations, using a timer, taking a 5 min. break every 20 min., removing distractions from the room, breaking the task into smaller parts, and using a therapy ball as a seat.  They all seemed eager to try these methods because many of the children struggle with sitting still and completing a task. 

This past Tuesday I discussed adolescent development and changes the caregivers should anticipate in the next couple years.  I want them to start thinking about this now so they can start to develop ideas and strategies to address these issues.  Many new daily occupations arise in adolescence and somebody needs to be there a.) to teach them these occupations, and b.) to listen/talk to them about their feelings and questions.  It's also important that they designate a male figure that the boys can approach with questions.  I'm hoping that one of the maintenance workers will be willing to take on this role (we're going to ask him first then let the boys know he can be a resource for them).  Most importantly I stressed the need for the caregivers to guide the adolescents through decision-making and not simply berate their actions.  This challenge takes more time and patience but has much greater outcomes in the end. 

Ugh.  It's been a long week and I am glad to see the weekend.  I'm trying to focus on the positive improvements I've been seeing, but it's so difficult when the negatives are so evident.  With four weeks left there is still plenty of time for change.  Not to mention plenty of time to share love and enouragement.  The ride's not over yet!   

Love Them Like Jesus

Last week Iulia and I identified several children whom we thought would benefit from a behavioral management program that focuses on controlling emotions.  Based on the foundational ideas of the "Alert Program", we are meeting with these children in pairs to help them recognize their emotions, provide them with alternative strategies to dealing with their emotions, and implement those strategies during the day.  This first week we had them talk about situations that induce different emotions and what they feel inside during those times.  For the younger ones we did a couple role play scenarios that elicited happiness and anger.  Then they drew faces of different emotions of their choice-- a very difficult task for all of them.  Using a mirror with the younger ones definitely helped them see their facial features.  Finally we had them throw a ball at the wall in a manner that corresponded with each of the emotions they drew.  Overall the sessions were successful but it is evident Iulia and I have a long way to go with these children.  They struggle not only with identifying their emotions, but also with simply talking about their emotions. 

For our group activity this week I had the children make cards that they will (hopefully) deliver to children with disabilities or in the hospital.  Some of the children found it difficult to think of something to say to these children or what they would want on a card if it was given to them.  In order for them to make the cards they had to transport the supplies from one end of the room to the other by playing "Over-Under" as a team.  They definitely made some interesting creations with all the materials, but I know they enjoyed the process (plus they did a great job sharing the supplies and using their manners).  Some of them wanted to keep their cards at the end and we had to re-explain the purpose of the project.  Clearly empathy is not something many of the children have developed.  Later in the week some of the children played "duck-duck-goose" and went on a team scavenger hunt; again, to teach playing cooperatively and working as a team.  Mixing the ages of the children worked extremely well this week and we will continue with this pattern for next week.  Maybe in a couple weeks they'll be ready to play fairly and nicely with children their own age.
 
Each day I still meet with a couple children one-on-one.  It's fun to see their excitement to play games such as "Trouble", "Memory Match", and "Connect Four" because they rarely get to sit down and have this interaction with someone.  These games are also a great medium for teaching not to cheat, taking turns, being a humble winner, and expanding their attention span.  I have also been challenging the children to use their imagination and create new designs when they build, color, or mold.  My Italian has also been improving the more I interact with the children-- an added bonus for sure.  The computer usage has been put on-hold as I await a computer with sound that can run the various educational games I brought.

Only three caregivers came to the meeting on Friday because of various reasons.  I conducted the lesson with them and will do the same lesson with the others on Monday.  We switched gears this week to talking about stress management and the importance of taking care of themselves as well as the children.  I found it alarming to hear some of the responses when I asked about their stress at Casa Sperantei: crying, difficulty sleeping, constantly feeling tired, vomitting, and headaches to name a few.  Some techniques I provided for them (which we did together) included purse-lipped breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, imagery, brief escape/pause from the situation, and smiling/laughter.  I also suggested writing on a sheet of paper things that induce stress within their control and those out of their control, and also the major stressful behaviors of the children versus the minor irritating behaviors.  This way they can evaluate their situations more clearly and realize that some things are not worth stressing over.  Integrating these simple techniques into their daily routine will truly impact their health, emotional state, and relationships with others.  But they actually have to use them in order for this to happen. 

Scheduling continues to be a headache here, and it's easy to see why the children don't receive consisent attention.  The volunteers this week and next week work with groups in several communities and bring a few of the children to these groups each day.  I cannot complain about this because I think this integration is extremely important and helpful for the children here.  However, Iulia and I don't know when/if they will go and when they will return each day, which makes our job more like a guessing game.  And with the group of children returning from Italy this weekend we will have even more of a challenge managing the groups.  But we are doing our best to give the children some sort of consistency, persistently pursuing the conduction of our various groups.

Through all of this I find myself reminded that the one thing the children truly need is to feel loved.  That Iulia and I can toil day and night to change their behaviors, but none of that will matter if they do not know the love of Jesus.  I must constantly recite Corinthians 13 in my head to remember what God's love looks like and how I can reflect this love.  This is the greatest gift I can give and the most lasting impact I can make.